I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for the playoffs.
Yes. The playoffs.
Listen: This is the worst run-up to the playoffs I can remember. Last week was bad, and this week is worse. There’s hardly any drama. In short, we’re basically at 12 of 14 teams being set, all we’re really waiting for is the NFC South and, maybe, the AFC North. Outside of that, it’s just jockeying for position. Which is fine, but not exactly scintillating.
Plus, the quarterback situation in the league is probably at the worst point its ever been. A non-complete list of starters this week includes Philip Rivers, Josh Johnson, Chris Oladokun, Quinn Ewers, Brady Cook, the shell of Geno Smith, Kirk Cousins, and Max Brosmer.
Fun.
Furthermore, the Christmas Day slate — which, pre-season, looked pretty awesome — is terrible, and Sunday’s daytime slate is … well, let’s just call it hard on the eyes.
But, much like bad pizza, bad football is still preferable to just about all other forms of gambling entertainment, and thus …
… on to Week 17!
The +1000 or more parlay of the week
Boy oh boy did we almost hit a +2024 to close out 2025.
I had the Eagles laying 6.5 points … I had the Titans outright over the Chiefs … I had the Jaguars outright over the Broncos … and the most obvious play of them all? Didn’t hit. Took the over 47.5 in the Cardinals-Falcons game, and it landed on 45. Grrrrrr.
This week, I will take at FanDuel at a pleasant little +1069, the Broncos giving 12.5 points to the Chiefs in K.C., over 38.5 in the Titans-Saints tilt, the Bengals laying 7 points at home against the Cardinals, and the Jaguars laying 6.5 on the road in Indy.
Rationale: The Chiefs are going to get shut out, the Titans and Saints are both playing fast and loose, and so this one flies over, the Bengals and Joe Burrow have decided to play out the string in an effort to look like the best offense in football, and the Jags are not going to let their victory in Denver last week be the highlight of their season. (In fact, the Jags are going to the Super Bowl. Book it.)
Obvious three-team teaser that won’t hit
Down to a still-profitable 8-8 as the Lions couldn’t get the job done. No matter, as this week at Caesars and at +140 I’ll roll with the Jags giving a half-point to Indy, the Broncos giving 6.5 points to the Chiefs, and the Bengals giving a point to the Cards. Not exactly an original bet (see above parlay) but still, I like what I like.
It’s a trap!
Up to 9-8, correctly identified the Chiefs as frauds once again. This week, I think the Seahawks as 7.5-point favorites in Carolina is trappy. While I know the Seahawks are the better team, the Panthers have looked very good, are home, and Sam Darnold can always Sam Darnold.
Did I win the DraftKings Milly Maker?
Came closer to winning a partridge in a pair tree.
DraftKings DFS plays of the week
This one is bananas, but it basically unlocks whatever you need: Adam Thielen at $3.4K on DraftKings. D.K. Metcalf is suspended, Calvin Austin pulled his hammy, Thielen had four targets last week, the Browns pass rush is serious, Aaron Rodgers needs to get the ball out quickly … it all adds up to double-digit targets for Thielen. What a disaster.
Mortal-lock, can’t lose, 900 number, send your money now play of the week
Up to 7-9, go team Titans go! This week, let’s roll with the over in the Saints-Titans game. I might even do one of those fancy ladders.
