Ever since the dawn of legalized sports betting across America all those many, many moons ago (for those who weren’t alive back then, X was called Twitter, photos and videos could be reasonably trusted as being real, and the idea of having to depend on your local Facebook group to track down toilet paper and disinfectant spray was a foreign concept), there has been pushback from the responsible gambling community that sportsbooks were being predatory with come-ons, especially to losing bettors.
Like, offering free bets and bonus dollars to people who are losing in an effort to keep them in play.
Well, now other companies are horning in on the losers.
Acorns — a “financial wellness company,” more on that, I imagine, once I figure out what the hell that means — is getting into the loser business.
Tell them you suffered a single sports betting loss up to $50, open an account, and they’ll match the $50. It’s a whole PR push, and they’re doing a whole faux-pharmaceutical thing with it, calling the program “Investinall.”
“People want more money, and if they’re led to believe there’s a faster way to get it, they’re going to pursue that. But the reality is that getting rich happens slowly,” Noah Kerner, CEO of Acorns, said in a press release. “There’s no shortcut — not trading, not predicting, not gambling. We made ‘Investinall’ because people might not listen to us preaching this, but maybe a good dose of medicine will do the trick.”
I mean … this is pretty good, right?
Even better: The Acorns social team has been subtweeting sportsbooks’ and prediction markets’ posts on X.
Gambling, investing. Investing, gambling
Acorns is a fintech that got its start as a place to automatically invest your spare change, but it has also expanded into retirement accounts, banking, and other savings and investment products (which we all know are also just a little bit like gambling, but dither, details).
And now Acorns is basically standing outside the sportsbook with a clipboard and a coupon book.
Hey, buddy. Tough beat on the Chargers? Come over here. Let’s talk about compound interest.
Which, honestly, is pretty funny. But dare I say there’s something a little more interesting going on here.
The campaign feels like a pretty good marker of where sports betting — and trading, gah — now sits in American culture.
Picker upper
A decade ago, could you imagine a financial company building a campaign around losing sports bettors and having it be a universal, immediately understood experience?
Of course not. But today? Sports betting — and trading, this is so annoying — is on television, on your phone, in your group chat, in your fantasy league, on broadcasts, discussed by announcers, pushed by celebrities.
And now other companies are using that cultural familiarity to sell their own products.
This feels unreal. Right now, as we speak, gambling is being used to sell financial wellness. Roll that around your noggin for a few.
This is either a sign of how quickly and permanently sports betting has entered the mainstream or — beware — a sign that every marketing department in America is going to figure out a way to use your bad beat as a way to get you to buy their product.
Knocked over your beer in anger after Saquon Barkley fell a half-yard short of his rushing over? Try Bounty, the quicker picker upper.
Chucked your phone across the room and cracked the screen because Brandon Aubrey missed a 34-yarder that killed your five-leg parlay? Good news: OtterBox has you covered.
Up until 3:17 a.m. sweating a U of Hawaii basketball game because it was the last leg of your bet? The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
Acorns may have unlocked something. Some genius in their marketing department looked at the now-enormous universe of Americans betting on sports and said, “There’s a customer base in here somewhere.”
Sports betting has become so woven into everyday American life that “you lost a bet” is now functioning in much the same way “you spilled your coffee” or “you need car insurance” does in advertising.
Life comes at you fast, eh?
